In Search of True Brotherhood: A Soldier’s Reflection

 After serving nearly three decades in the Indian Army, I retired as a Colonel, though I carry with me a deep sense of pride and gratitude for the institution that shaped my character and taught me many of life’s most important lessons. The Army remains one of the finest organisations in the country, built on principles of discipline, leadership, and service. Yet, as life often does, it has also led me to question some of the ideals I once held unquestioningly.

Last December, our family faced a profound tragedy; the sudden and untimely and tragic loss and passing of my younger cousin, Prof. Sameer Khandekar, at the age of 50. His loss was not only a devastating personal blow to our family but also a great loss to the nation. As a Senior Professor at IIT Kanpur, his contributions to academia, research, and community welfare were unparalleled.

Amidst the grief of those two days in Kanpur, I also happened to witness something extraordinary—the sheer depth of camaraderie and collective support extended by the community of IIT Kanpur. It was a true, heartfelt display of solidarity, one that forced me to reflect on the differences between what I experienced there and what I had seen, throughout my career in the armed forces. This reflection led me to a difficult to digest, but the realisation that there is often a wide chasm between the ideals we speak of in the Army—brotherhood, camaraderie, and comradeship—and the reality of how these values are actually being lived and professed.

 

The True Face of Brotherhood at IIT Kanpur

During my cousin’s final farewell, the IIT Kanpur community came together in a manner that was both humbling and inspiring.

• The Director of IIT Kanpur, along with the faculty, students, and staff, ensured that every aspect of the last rites was handled with care and dignity. They took responsibility for accommodating our extended family, providing meals, and organising the rituals with utmost respect.
• Students, colleagues, and friends poured their hearts out in grief, sharing stories of how my cousin had impacted their lives—not just academically but personally as well.
• My cousin’s wife was not left to fend for herself; she was offered a position within IIT Kanpur, and allowed to retain the family accommodation which was allotted to my brother in the capacity of a Sr Professor. This long-term support is a testament to the sense of responsibility the institution actually feels toward its community members.

This was camaraderie at its best—not performative, not ceremonial, but deeply genuine and sustained.

 

The Illusion of Comradeship in the Armed Forces

Contrasting this with my experience in the armed forces, it was sad, however I couldn’t help but feel a sense of disillusionment. The Army is built on the pillars of "brotherhood", "esprit de corps", and "camaraderie"—words that are deeply ingrained in its ethos right from the day one joins the academy. Yet, the reality often falls short, especially in moments that test these values.

Hollow Claims of Brotherhood. Though it’s a well known fact today that the Chetwood motto which is ingrained during the training period of every cadet who graduates as an officer from the academy has over the period of time been just been reduced to a drill and is hung on display at various training institutions, as nothing more, than just for false showcasing of the state of our armed forces today, as what matters this day is personal career advancement and upward mobility over the actual essence of this motto which sounds just as a mere rhetoric.

 

1. Conditional Bonds:
• The camaraderie in the armed forces is often conditional, rooted in hierarchical relationships rather than genuine connection. While serving under a senior officer, the bond might appear strong, but it is often transactional. Once an officer retires or is no longer in a position of influence, this bond tends to fade away.
• "Brothers in arms" often turns into just another phrase, with little follow-through in terms of emotional or practical support.
2. Neglect of Families:
• When a soldier or officer passes away, the immediate response is steeped in ceremony—gun salutes, tributes, and condolence messages. However, the long-term support for the family, which should be the true measure of camaraderie, often dwindles.
• Families are frequently left to navigate bureaucratic hurdles on their own, with little sustained empathy from the organization.

 

The Role of Personal Connections in a Pyramidical Structure

 

The hierarchical and pyramidical nature of the armed forces also exposes cracks in the idea of camaraderie. Unlike in civilian organizations, where career progression can be relatively flexible, upward mobility in the armed forces is exceedingly limited. This creates a competitive, and often political, environment where personal connections play a more important:

1. Postings Based on Favouritism:
• A soldier’s or officer’s posting often depends more on their "link pins"—personal relationships with those in power—than on merit. Officers with strong connections to key decision-makers are more likely to secure desirable postings, while others are often left at the mercy of the system with highly flexible and highly dynamic rules and regulations that can be turned and twisted either to help out someone or the other way around (which unfortunately is the case more often than not.
• This favouritism directly contradicts the ideals of fairness and brotherhood that the Army professes to uphold.
2. Career Trajectories and Opportunism:
• Decisions such as postings, recommendations, and assignments are frequently influenced by the career ambitions of those who are at the helm of affairs. For instance, officers perceived as "useful" for a senior’s future career growth may receive preferential treatment, while those deemed as "spent forces" are overlooked.
• This opportunistic behaviour erodes the sense of mutual trust and undermines the very fabric of comradeship.

 

From Academy Ideals to Field Realities

This disillusionment begins early, as young officers when they transition from the academy to the realities of military life in their units. During training, these ‘would be officers’ are infused with ideals of selflessness, camaraderie, and integrity—the very ethos that forms the backbone of the armed forces. At the academy, they are taught that rank and hierarchy are secondary to the bonds of brotherhood, that every soldier is part of one family, and that leadership is rooted in care and fairness.

However, the moment a young officer joins his/her unit, these ideals more often than not, collide with reality:

• Disparity Between Training and Practice: What is taught in the academy about fairness and integrity often gives way to political manoeuvring, favouritism, and opportunism in field units.
• Transactional Relationships: Young officers quickly learn that camaraderie is simply  superficial, contingent on factors such as rank, influence, or the "usefulness" of a person in the larger scheme of things. For that matter I still recollect a few of my senior colleagues making statements such as “naukri baingan ki thode hi karni hai”, for which I certainly have no ill feelings but this is what they learnt when they saw how a unit actually functions.
• Postings and Favouritism: The pyramidical structure of the Army, combined with limited opportunities for upward mobility, exacerbates these issues. Officers realise that their postings and career trajectory are often influenced by how well-connected they are, to key decision-makers, rather than merit or service record.

 

What Needs to Change

If the armed forces wish to truly embody the values they stand for:

1. Empathy Over Ceremony:
• The organisation must prioritize meaningful, sustained support over ceremonial gestures, particularly for the families of deceased personnel.
2. Merit Over Favouritism:
• Decisions regarding postings and assignments must be based on fairness and merit, not personal connections or opportunistic calculations.
3. Walk the Talk:
• The phrases "brothers in arms" and "camaraderie" must be more than just rhetoric. The Army must ensure that these values are reflected in actions, from the highest levels of command to the ground level.

 

As I reflect on the loss of my cousin and the profound lessons I learned from his farewell at IIT Kanpur, I am reminded of the true meaning of camaraderie. It is not about grandiose words or symbolic acts; it is about showing up—consistently, selflessly, and with genuine care. It is about living the values we so often speak of, not just when it is convenient but especially when it is difficult.

The Army remains a great institution, but it must introspect and strive to live up to the ideals it holds so dear. Only then can it truly honour the spirit of brotherhood it claims to embody.